Trawling back through the weeks events I was curiously drawn to a meeting of friends which took place in the capital last Thursday.
David Cameron, on the cusp of declaring the ‘ConDems’ defence cuts strategy and with child benefit and public sector cuts still fresh in the minds of the electorate was in bullish mood as he greeted his guest and from all accounts 'buddy' Arnold Schwarzenegger, Governor of California on the steps of 10 Downing Street.
Our Dave paces impatiently up and down the hallway of No. 10, desperately in need of some positive spin to make the most of such an auspicious moment in Anglo-American political history.
He turns in the hope of inspiration to his bespectacled Communications Director, Andrew Coulson, who appears to be otherwise engaged?
“Andy!” snaps The PM, “will you please put that phone down!”
“Sorry” Andrew replies “I was just listening to a . . . voicemail . . .”
Our Dave continues “Everybody, this is a great opportunity to make a profound statement to the world about the Tory government’s plans for economic recovery in . . .”
Before he can finish his sentence he is interrupted by the tentatively raised hand and curtailed cough of a gentleman stood to his left.
“Sorry, but it’s a Tory-Lib Dem coalition government David” interjects Nick Clegg somewhat nervously “you promised me you wouldn’t forget that.”
The PM acknowledges him through slightly narrowed eyes displaying the faintest of frowns, “This is not the time for splitting hairs Nick” he retorts.
His attentions return to Mr Coulson. “Andy, did you make the necessary fanfare arrangements for the arrival of Mr Schwarzenegger’s cavalcade?”
“Yes David” he replies and then gestures towards a corner of the hallway where hidden briefly in the shadows was a somewhat strange looking man with long, straggly blonde hair, goatee, and ill fitting suit who stood grinning inanely in an outlandish pair of Cuban heels at our Dave.
“And who exactly is this?”
“Why, it’s Wagner David”
“Wagner? For the love of God man, when I asked for Wagner I had a vision of our guest arriving in a pyrotechnic elaboration to the stirring overtures of Ride of the Valkeries, not the over zealous crooning of a South American novelty act from the X Factor!”
The attention of the room is suddenly drawn to the assured voice of a rather smug looking George Osborne.
“David, may I be as bold to suggest that we have an opportunity here to use the film star popularity of Mr Schwarzenegger to our advantage?”
He has The PM’s attention.
“The electorate need reassurance that the cuts you, sorry we are implementing are for the greater good if we are to finally lay the budget deficit to rest and what better person to endorse this for us than the Terminator himself? With this in mind I have taken the liberty of preparing something for you.”
He hands over a piece of paper which our Dave reads, he looks back at George, smiles and nods approvingly before Nick’s call of “He’s here, Mr Schwarzenegger is here!” reverberates through the hallway.
The stage is set. Arnie steps from his car, turns and waves to the cheering crowds. The door to No. 10 opens and Arnie strides towards it where he is greeted by The PM.
The pair of them exchange pleasantries and then our Dave turns confidently towards the flashing cameras of the world’s media, chest out and proud, he points his finger admiringly at his guest and declares . . .
“He’s going to help me terminate the budget deficit.”
Hasta la vista David!
Richard
Like the humour. Sums up the "soundbite politics" we have in this country now, too
ReplyDelete